“Who I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing
To ever believe…” I am new by Jason Gray

“Then the Lord said to me, “You have seen well, for I am watching over my word to perform it.” Jeremiah 1:12

He watches over His Word to perform it.
He watches over His Word to perform it.
He watches over His Word to perform it.

There are words that I find myself wanting to repeat over and over again because I want everything in me to believe them. I am the one who forgets His faithfulness when my situation looks barren. I am the one who wants to run away when He has never failed to show me His love for me. I am the one who doubts Him even though He has never failed me or anyone who commits their ways to Him. Why do I forget that as long as I am acknowledging Him, He is indeed making straight my path? (Proverbs 3:6)

God, please forgive me, I am indeed Your beloved, but sometimes I live as if I don’t believe it.

Not just beloved, but God’s beloved

It’s one thing to be someone’s beloved, it’s quite another thing when you are God’s beloved. The Creator of heaven and earth, the Alpha and Omega, The I AM Himself calls me His Beloved. Lord? This truth is too wonderful for me.

1 “At the same time,” says the Lord, “I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they shall be My people.” 2 Thus says the Lord: “The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness — Israel, when I went to give him rest.” 3 The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. 4 Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Israel! 5 You shall again be adorned with tambourines, and shall go forth in the dances of those who rejoice. You shall yet plant vines on the mountains of Samaria; The planters shall plant and eat them as ordinary food. 6 For there shall be a day when the watchmen will cry on Mount Ephraim, ‘Arise, and let us go up to Zion, to the Lord our God.’ “ 7 For thus says the Lord: “Sing with gladness for Jacob, and shout among the chief of the nations; Proclaim, give praise, and say, ‘O Lord, save Your people, The remnant of Israel!’ 8 Behold, I will bring them from the north country, and gather them from the ends of the earth, among them the blind and the lame, the woman with child and the one who labors with child, together; A great throng shall return there. 9 They shall come with weeping, and with supplications I will lead them. I will cause them to walk by the rivers of waters, in a straight way in which they shall not stumble; For I am a Father to Israel, and Ephraim is My firstborn. 10 “Hear the word of the Lord, O nations, and declare it in the isles afar off, and say, ‘He who scattered Israel will gather him, and keep him as a shepherd does his flock.’ 11 For the Lord has redeemed Jacob, and ransomed him from the hand of one stronger than he. 12 Therefore they shall come and sing in the height of Zion, streaming to the goodness of the Lord — For wheat and new wine and oil, For the young of the flock and the herd; Their souls shall be like a well-watered garden, and they shall sorrow no more at all. 13 “Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old, together; For I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice rather than sorrow. 14 I will satiate the soul of the priests with abundance, and My people shall be satisfied with My goodness, says the Lord.” Jeremiah 31:1-14

There are unbelievable nuggets of truth in the above 13 verses but first, I have a confession to make. This summer and fall I got disappointed in God. I know, I know, I shouldn’t write such thing, let alone live like that. But that’s the truth of it. Why was I disappointed in God? I felt like I obeyed God in areas that I think somehow He chose to forget about. So I would ask Him, “God, I obeyed You here, now I am praying and believing that this is how You are going to answer me.” I would pray and really believe in the best way I know how to, that God would answer me, but times and times again He chose not to answer those type of prayers that I was making. And it was only this week that I whispered to God, “Thank you for not answering my desires; now and forever let Your desires be the only thing that come to pass in my life.” Remind you, I have come to that humble conclusion of truth after six months of wrestling with God.

The sad reality of being disappointed in God is that I am looking for God to serve me instead of me serving Him. Disappointment in God simply means that God didn’t bring to pass my will, for as far as His will is concerned He always brings it to pass. 

Thank you Lord for not answering my desires; now and forever let Your desires be the only thing that come to pass in my life. My desires should stay crucified on the cross.

He is a God who sometimes chooses not save you from your wilderness, but instead gives you grace in the wilderness. (Jeremiah 31:2) And on verse 3 He adds, “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Even in your wilderness He is still God. The wilderness isn’t proof that He is not God but it is actually the opposite, He is a God who will satisfy you with Himself even in your barrenness, especially in your barrenness. Why? To prove to you that circumstances or answered prayers don’t satisfy, ONLY God satisfies. Yesterday, December 28th, marked ten years that I have been in the United States. And I was reminded by two beautiful things; the following words are the words that I wrote in my journal as I got on my bed: “1. God, I am eternally thankful for the journey You have me on! 2. God, thank You for granting me my Christmas wish! Jesus, You are the ONLY One true God, Papa! Thank You for intimately being with me.” But you know how God reminded me that He alone satisfies? Despite of how beautiful my day was, for God answered my not-so-important prayer, I got on my bed and it’s not that I was sad, but I wasn’t joyful either. And God whispered, “I alone satisfy, answered prayers will not satisfy you.”

My people shall be satisfied with My goodness, says the Lord. Jeremiah 31:14

God desires for us to be satisfied with His goodness. His goodness is constant. His goodness is true. And you and me can always count on His goodness. 

For I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice rather than sorrow.

Just because we are God’s beloved doesn’t mean we won’t have seasons of mourning and sorrow. “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

As God’s beloved, we will surely have seasons of mourning and seasons of sorrow. And the beautiful truth for us is mourning and sorrow will never have the final word; only God has the final word and this is what He says, “I will turn your mourning to joy, will comfort you, and make you rejoice rather than sorrow” (Jeremiah 31:13). We always need to remind ourselves that as Christ’s followers, we are not exempt from sorrow and mourning; but thankfully those hard seasons have an expiration date! They are not the end of our story and they will never ever be! 

Sorrow and mourning don’t change and will never change my identity in Christ as God’s beloved.

He is not a God who is ashamed to call us His own even in our wilderness and our hard seasons! And Isaiah 43:1-5, 7, 10-13, 15 testify to that truth: 

1 “But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in your place. 4 Since you were precious in My sight, You have been honored, and I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life. 5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, and gather you from the west; 7 Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him.” 10 “You are My witnesses,” says the Lord, “And My servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe Me, and understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, nor shall there be after Me. 11 I, even I, am the Lord, and besides Me there is no savior. 12 I have declared and saved, I have proclaimed, and there was no foreign god among you; therefore you are My witnesses,” says the Lord, “that I am God. 13 Indeed before the day was, I am He; And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand; I work, and who will reverse it?” 15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, the Creator of Israel, your king.” Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea and a path through the mighty waters.”

God, to think that I am honored by You, called by You, and that You Lord are my King? God, I am forever in awe of all that You are for me!

I want to be satisfied with God’s goodness forever. And I always have to believe that He is for me even in the fire and through the waters. For truly, God is lavishly in love with me. How in the world, can I NOT rejoice in the  dance (Jeremiah 31:13)? Holy Wonder. It is simply holy wonder to be perfectly loved by a perfect God despite my sin.

Father God, I pray that 2019 be a year that I trust you more, that I obey you more, that I listen to You more, and that each day is a new encounter with You. 2018 was more than I could have prayed for; It wasn’t what I hoped it to be, but I thank You for always overriding my desires and wants. Thank you for growing my love for Your Word; thank you for making me grace many times than I can count, I surely didn’t deserve this; Father, please forgive my complaining, please forgive my ungratefulness, and please forgive my sin that is ever before you.

God, what a thrill that each year I am closer to coming to You.